The Life of FS
- FS: derrrrrr
- stranger: .......
- FS: huh-derrrrrrrrr
- stranger: wtf
- FS: [drooling] huh-der-ga-derrrrrrrrrrrr
- stranger: go away.
- FS: wahhh!
- stranger walks away. end scene.
“LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. I WANNA MARRY HIM AND HAVE HIS BABIES AND RAISE THEM TO BE MINI LIL WAYNES. WE’RE GONNA LIVE IN GREECE AND SMOKE BLACK AND MILDS AND LIFE WILL BE PERFECt!”
-excerpt from Fran’s diary
She’s a liL obsessed
BABYSITTER WANTED
need sitter for child named Frances. must be patient, understanding, She’s cute and she likes to sing! If you are interested please call (908)555-7891 at extension 4320981739. We are also open to the idea of adoption, extensive time where you will be caretaker of child or kidnapping!must not have a life and must be available 24/7 and reliable.child can be disagreeable, unmanageable, messy, chaotic, devastating, stubborn, b*tchy, loud, whiny, a smart-alec, annoying, smelly, dumb, impulsive, is addicted to crack, cocaine, meth, alcohol and glue, swears like a trucker, bites and dealing with her is overall an unpleasant and sometimes detrimental experience. Despite rumors, the last five sitters have recovered from injuries and are currently in therapy, where they are learning to move on with their lives despite having faced the ultimate evil in this world.
World’s Ugliest Dog
The World’s ugliest dog was crowned recently. I completely forgot to send them a picture of Frances. Sucks too because I know we had a good shot (like 99.999% chance of winning) and I heard the prize was like a lifetime supply of doggie food. Too bad Frances! I guess you’ll just have to stick to the bargain brand doggie food for now :/
Congrats to Yoda the Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix that won!
(Source: Yahoo!)
Thoughts on Germany…
Frances thinks she is going on a trip to Germany with me and that she will annoy me on the long plane ride. However, I am not worried because with her record she won’t even be leaving New Jersey.
What… what is that??
(free weezy)
What Frances? Did you want to have a conversation?
I think you’re going to have to stop crying for us to do that.
Was it something I said?
Oh. So you’re upset about something I said yesterday.
Well I’m sorry, but please try to calm yourself.
Thank you. Ok. Better?
Good.
Can’t wait to do this again tomorrow.
…No, really, I have to leave now. I’m going to go cut my ears off and stare at the sun to blind myself, thanks. See you later. But hopefully not.
If she thinks too hard
…
well let’s not joke around here. That never happens. The term airhead is literal and devastating in Frances’ case. It’s probably why she cries so much. Her head must hurt even trying to recall her own name and occupation (which is Frances Sousonis and being a schlampe btw). Don’t even ask her about her birth date. All she knows is that she’s a child and that’s all anyone needs to know. The last thing people want to do in America, and likely in Greece as well, is recognize another adult as clinically insane. Hopefully once “Hollah!” is officially recognized as its own country, she will be able to find refuge. But let’s not get too optimistic here people; she’s pretty much a lost cause anyways.
Let’s take a moment to remember the life of her role model and favorite bearded guy.
RIP Ryan Dunn. (June 11, 1977 - June 20, 2011)
The Worst Person EVER
Frances Sousonis is probably the worst person I know. She hates life, and I hate her. I think I’m a bit asexual for her.
I know I say she cries all the time, and she has no reason to. I’m just so mean to her so what else is she supposed to do? Toughen up? Yes. But I guess I should be crying now, too.
Why should I be crying right now, you ask?
Because she stalks me and she smells like feet so I can always tell when she’s five steps behind me, blogging about my every move. [:) HOLLAH.]
Again, this is her. Except a hella less cute.
just kidding :)
